Hey look, my first post! I figure this is a timely and appropriate way to start out.
Mother’s Day is a weird holiday for me. I’m guessing a lot of steppeople feel the same way about both Mother’s and Father’s Days. On the one hand, I have always had a wonderfully supportive family, both my immediate and that of my husband, who has gone above and beyond to make me feel included in a day that typically stepmothers are kept out of. My husband always gets me flowers along with both of our mothers, and over the 4 years I’ve been in their lives, the boys have made me feel *special* or included with cards and trinkets they made at school, though I’m not positive that’s not just because they made them in class on a Wednesday or Thursday and they know that saying “I’m saving this for mommy” would wound me.
I know my husband’s getting me flowers again this year. My mom has already been sending me a whole host of “Mother’s Day isn’t just about biological children, it’s about the ones you raise as if they were”. I got a card from my sister-in-law yesterday. On the conscious level I get that it’s ok for me to have some stake in this day, I get that from Sunday night to Monday night I am “mom”, no prefix, and I’m allowed to let people celebrate the fact that I do put in that work. But I still can’t shake the feeling that I don’t deserve it.
This year…I feel even weirder about it. Because I’m expecting, I’m almost in two worlds, and neither one of them truly fits with “Mother’s Day”, to me. I’m only 7 weeks, so it’s not like the nugget actually feels like anything more than an occasional crampy nuisance. I don’t truly “feel” pregnant, so I don’t really feel like a “true mom” yet – all I’ve done is the easy part, and it doesn’t feel right celebrating this holiday as a mom-to-be when I haven’t done the hard part of mothering a child, yet.
I have a coworker who’s due in September, and her viewpoint on this is very clear: she has told her husband point blank that he had better be coming home Sunday with roses, or else she’s kicking him back out to go get them. I personally think that’s a little presumptuous (not to mention a shitty way to treat your husband). I understand celebrating the day, but I don’t think I can endorse making all the fuss of FIRST MOTHER’S DAY EVER because…it isn’t, if you ask me. It’s my First Mom-To-Be’s Day, and hers, and next year we’ll hopefully be celebrating our first true Mothers’ Days with our LOs, but that’s a thing to be sharing with our children next year when we have them to love.
I’m not writing this post with any sort of answer in mind; these are just my thoughts. I don’t know if I’d be happier with a Stepmother’s Day, or an Expecting Mothers Day, or a Puppy Mothers Day, or however other ways you can put it – but having now filled all of those categories without expressly ticking the “Mother” box, I still don’t feel as if it’s right for me to be included because I haven’t yet achieved the “prerequisite”, so to speak. I don’t know. Maybe I’m way overthinking this and should just let people celebrate my contributions as I see fit.